No Is A Complete Sentence
This statement is so true and so important when it comes to self-care, setting boundaries, and managing your stress levels. Let me share a personal story about this with you.
A friend invited me to come over for a late night celebration with our circle of friends. There would be a great spread and I would know most of the people in attendance. This all sounded good, but I couldn’t gather up enough strength to get myself together and put on a smile for the occasion. I had just lost someone important to me and it was the type of celebration that would be a stark reminder of their absence. It would be too much for me. I knew my friend would be disappointed if I didn’t join the festivities. I struggled with the decision because I kept putting my friend’s feelings before mine. I finally said to myself that whatever the decision, it shouldn’t be at my expense. I would have to trust that the friend would understand my decision or I would learn something new about our relationship. I called my friend to say that I couldn’t attend because it would be bring up a lot of difficult emotions for me. My friend understood and that a plate of food would be made and delivered to me.
There are a few important aspects of this story that I want to point out.
PROTECTION
It’s not always possible for us to be there for other people without experiencing a negative impact on ourselves. When this happens, we need to get comfortable with saying no. When we say no, we are protecting our time, our wellness, and our boundaries and choosing ourselves.
GRAY AREAS
Not every situation has a moral dilemma in which saying no is the wrong thing to do. Most of the time there’s a lot of gray area to work with so the question asked of each of us is what we can live with. That said, it is perfectly fine to be selfish at times without feeling any guilt.
NO JUSTIFICATION NEEDED
We should understand that we don’t owe anyone an explanation for why we are saying no. Sometimes it can be helpful to explain so our boundaries are clear or so others understand something about us. However, this is not a requirement. Maybe we can’t prioritize others needs over our own or maybe we don’t enjoy being around drama. That’s your business. Be particularly aware when someone is demanding an explanation. They are approaching with a sense of entitlement which is another thing to say no to. If you do decide to explain yourself, don’t feel the need to make up an excuse. Be honest with yourself and those that you are dealing with because it’s what builds and maintains trust and keeps your life simple.
DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
In my story, my friend responded with understanding and compassion. However, this won’t always be the case. My friend could have responded with anger. It’s helpful to remember that this is more about their expectations of you which are really their problem. If the response is bad, don’t take it personally. You’ve just learned something new about those involved.
GIVE IT A TRY
At first, saying no may feel uncomfortable, but with practice, this can be a regular part of how you navigate to avoid stressful situations. Saying no will start to feel less personal and more objective. You can also expect to begin to feel freer and less stressed because you are making choices that are right for you.